'I Can't Believe I'm Still Single': Miami meets Chicago
Newsflash to man in show (Schaeffer) professing to want to get married and have children.
Sunday will SO not be about you anymore. No day will be about you anymore. Get your brain around that.
If you cannot handle this fact then just give up this fruitless search.
In this week's episode of "I Can't Believe I'm Still Single" Mr. Eric Schaeffer and his motley crew (Clearly Em and Stas are exempt) travel from Kalamazoo to Chicago.
This episode's date was with a woman who from Miami who agreed to fly to Chicago for her on-air date with Eric.
Review: One half star: For not making me want to vomit as many times as he has previously.
Here's what happened in this episode of "I Can't Believe I'm still Single."
Blonde from Florida meets Eric Schaeffer on MySpace .
She agrees to fly out to Chicago for a date with Eric Schaeffer.
During her introduction at his hotel room she rolls about his bed like a drunk Pomeranian and spanks him with a riding crop.
Mark Ebner drooled over her, from his spot on the floor.
Eric drooled, too.
Eric takes blonde to a romantic dinner at an Italian restaurant in Chicago where he mooches free meals from them for his "date." (Which was a lot more than his Kalamazoo date got.)
No kissing at the hotel door. (So, that way she knows he really cares about her. Cuuuuuuute.)
Eric makes ritual offering of Nemos-Scat bar and she accepts it.
Roll credits.
Done.
If this poor woman's voice alone were not enough to send you straight up the wall, then for me the deal -breaker was her long mink coat. Nope. Done. No fur wearing allowed.
Real fur is unacceptable in my book on any human, let alone one as stupid as that woman.
I saw his eyes light up when she showed up with her big breasts, bleached blond hair, uber white teeth, fake tan and shiny floor length mink coat.
It made sense to me that his brain didn't want someone like her, but his body did.
It was kind of obvious given the lascivious way Eric licked his lips when watching her speak even though it creeped me out.
(He really does lick his lips in a way that's really just gross. Does he not know this is gross? It is.)
Maybe it is a match made in heaven, if he can just reconcile that he really wants someone like her deep down.
Truthfully, they seemed to enjoy each other a great deal.
However, sadly, the show was still pretty boring. Mercifully we're almost done with this series, aren't we?
I didn't hate the woman, because I'm sure she's nice in her own way, but I think anyone that hung-up on looking so plastic isn't someone I understand very well.
And wearing fur is gross.
I got the impression Eric looked down on her, for a variety of reasons, however the truth was his face was pretty lit up by her petite blondeness.
However, it's simply impossible to tell what the reality really was since editing hides so much in these shows.
So, go figure.
I will say this.
I give Eric Schaeffer major props for mentioning wanting to save the baby orphan elephants.
I blogged about this before, it's such an amazing cause. These tiny little baby elephants are orphaned and they need help, and they are heartbreakingly sensitive and amazing and...I can't take abandoned kid stories at all, let alone baby elephant stories. If I talk about it, I'll cry.
But, if you want to do something wonderful on this planet, visit this link, here, and donate to The Orphans Project. We're all hurting due to this economy, but I'm willing to bet these little guy's fates are even more threatened due to poachers, now, and less support than before our "economic downturn."
This is something worth supporting. Trust me.
And he also mentioned wanting to help needy kids right here at home. I agree with all the things he said he'd want to do if he couldn't "make movies." He picked good causes to support.
This is where I get all messed up wanting to hate him, but then he goes an mentions a cause(s) which happen to be near and dear to my heart and I have to say...well, that makes up for a lot of things I've condemned him for till now.
Wanting to help orphaned elephants makes up for a whole lot of...lip licking.
Below is a promo trailer for his show, again.
Based on the faces we see in it, it's clear we have maybe one or two more women to meet before good old Mark Ebner and Eric...choose a wife???
I guess you could say this is like a very, very low-tech version of "The Bachelor."
Basicially, he needs to find a Barbie doll on the outside with a vegan hippie-chick on the inside, but the problem is: I don't think that woman really exists. Mostly because, Barbie doesn't exist.
That's a problem. It's like waiting to meet the Easter Bunny. It just ain't gonna happen.
Sunday will SO not be about you anymore. No day will be about you anymore. Get your brain around that.
If you cannot handle this fact then just give up this fruitless search.
In this week's episode of "I Can't Believe I'm Still Single" Mr. Eric Schaeffer and his motley crew (Clearly Em and Stas are exempt) travel from Kalamazoo to Chicago.
This episode's date was with a woman who from Miami who agreed to fly to Chicago for her on-air date with Eric.
Review: One half star: For not making me want to vomit as many times as he has previously.
Here's what happened in this episode of "I Can't Believe I'm still Single."
Blonde from Florida meets Eric Schaeffer on MySpace .
She agrees to fly out to Chicago for a date with Eric Schaeffer.
During her introduction at his hotel room she rolls about his bed like a drunk Pomeranian and spanks him with a riding crop.
Mark Ebner drooled over her, from his spot on the floor.
Eric drooled, too.
Eric takes blonde to a romantic dinner at an Italian restaurant in Chicago where he mooches free meals from them for his "date." (Which was a lot more than his Kalamazoo date got.)
No kissing at the hotel door. (So, that way she knows he really cares about her. Cuuuuuuute.)
Eric makes ritual offering of Nemos-Scat bar and she accepts it.
Roll credits.
Done.
If this poor woman's voice alone were not enough to send you straight up the wall, then for me the deal -breaker was her long mink coat. Nope. Done. No fur wearing allowed.
Real fur is unacceptable in my book on any human, let alone one as stupid as that woman.
I saw his eyes light up when she showed up with her big breasts, bleached blond hair, uber white teeth, fake tan and shiny floor length mink coat.
It made sense to me that his brain didn't want someone like her, but his body did.
It was kind of obvious given the lascivious way Eric licked his lips when watching her speak even though it creeped me out.
(He really does lick his lips in a way that's really just gross. Does he not know this is gross? It is.)
Maybe it is a match made in heaven, if he can just reconcile that he really wants someone like her deep down.
Truthfully, they seemed to enjoy each other a great deal.
However, sadly, the show was still pretty boring. Mercifully we're almost done with this series, aren't we?
I didn't hate the woman, because I'm sure she's nice in her own way, but I think anyone that hung-up on looking so plastic isn't someone I understand very well.
And wearing fur is gross.
I got the impression Eric looked down on her, for a variety of reasons, however the truth was his face was pretty lit up by her petite blondeness.
However, it's simply impossible to tell what the reality really was since editing hides so much in these shows.
So, go figure.
I will say this.
I give Eric Schaeffer major props for mentioning wanting to save the baby orphan elephants.
I blogged about this before, it's such an amazing cause. These tiny little baby elephants are orphaned and they need help, and they are heartbreakingly sensitive and amazing and...I can't take abandoned kid stories at all, let alone baby elephant stories. If I talk about it, I'll cry.
But, if you want to do something wonderful on this planet, visit this link, here, and donate to The Orphans Project. We're all hurting due to this economy, but I'm willing to bet these little guy's fates are even more threatened due to poachers, now, and less support than before our "economic downturn."
This is something worth supporting. Trust me.
And he also mentioned wanting to help needy kids right here at home. I agree with all the things he said he'd want to do if he couldn't "make movies." He picked good causes to support.
This is where I get all messed up wanting to hate him, but then he goes an mentions a cause(s) which happen to be near and dear to my heart and I have to say...well, that makes up for a lot of things I've condemned him for till now.
Wanting to help orphaned elephants makes up for a whole lot of...lip licking.
Below is a promo trailer for his show, again.
Based on the faces we see in it, it's clear we have maybe one or two more women to meet before good old Mark Ebner and Eric...choose a wife???
I guess you could say this is like a very, very low-tech version of "The Bachelor."
Basicially, he needs to find a Barbie doll on the outside with a vegan hippie-chick on the inside, but the problem is: I don't think that woman really exists. Mostly because, Barbie doesn't exist.
That's a problem. It's like waiting to meet the Easter Bunny. It just ain't gonna happen.
Comments
I havent even seen the show, but
just the trailer and your reviews are enough!
I don't understand why he has a show. really!
You have a strong stomach to be able to watch it !
He needs a good hair stylist, dont you think?
CP
I'm strongly anti-fur as well, but wouldn't spend the first moments of a first date graphically describing the suffering that minks go through to make her fur coat.
The entirety of his wooing technique consists of saying "Hi, I'm Eric Schaeffer, semi-famous filmmaker. You must love me, even though you're completely unworthy of my love. Do you like my hair better this way, or that way?"
(And, oh by the way, if you use the word "inertia" incorrectly in a sentence, you're DEFINITELY completely unworthy of my love.)
Ashli did not seem to be super intelligent. Her voice was extremely grating and she sounded like she was on some heavy drug, but I think at least some of it was nervousness. She seemed to calm down at the restaurant and was much less annoying, even eliciting one of Eric's few moments of genuine charm in the entire series (although his baby elephant saving fantasy only ranks third on his list, after playing basketball for the Knicks or being a rock star.)
And then after the horror of that date, he refuses to kiss her good night, but asks her to come to his room for a little random sexual action.
Given that, what do you think of her post-date assessment that everything was wonderful and he was even more charming in person? I think she was just being polite, and she probably shut the door and cried.
To MK: Dang, Michael! You're GOOD at this!
I'm impressed with your commitment to detail.
Hm....You know, I think I must've been getting sleepy toward the end of the show because I entirely overlooked that last moment's trashiness.
Or, I'm just so used to Eric Schaeffer requesting blow jobs on camera that it went right over my -- wait; Well, you know what I mean.
You're right, he was really mean to her, now that you mention it.
But I was attributing he's cattiness to having Ebner in the room. They get really unpleasant toward women, when they're together, I've noticed.
She was far more kind than I would have been regarding all his put-downs, but that's probably a given.
Yeah, I'm sure her self esteem was not bolstered by being around Eric.
That's true about the baby elephants, they did come in after being a rock star.
I tip my hat to your observations, once again!
:o)
For some reason, Eric was very willing to break down the fourth wall on this episode. His narrative style is just as annoying as his personality. He brings up things and then just seems to forget about them. Did Allison Fed Ex him the cakes from Vermont? She was supposed to send them to Chicago. In the last episode, he was supposed to be calling Lauren to remind her of the expiration of her Ne-Mo's cake, but then we never heard the conversation. As an editor, he needs someone in the room with him, reminding him of all these little continuity issues he's creating (not that I'm volunteering).
He seemed oddly dismissive toward Bree/Batgirl at the beginning of the episode. After ranting at Ebner for referring to her as "that woman," he proceeded to discuss her in entirely generic terms. Though I am amused by the idea that people who are a little bit kinky sexually are necessarily more accepting of eccentricity in every other area of their lives. If only it were that easy.
Ebner is creepy in general, but I felt a little sad for him when he mentioned the girlfriend that all his friends tell him he should have married.
And what was with his obsession with the idea that Ashli is some kind of crazed stalker? Presumably he was the one who came up with the idea of meeting in Chicago.
Oh, and the easiest way to ensure a successful first date is to greet her with "You know I was worried because in a lot of your photos, you look like 37 going on 50, but you really do look pretty good in person."
God help the women if he is.
He was there in the hotel room "interview" part of the last episode, though.
Yeah. People like Eric need very factual people around to help them, "stay on task," as my child's second grade teacher puts it.
Perhaps you feel sorry for Ebner for the girl that got away, but maybe we should cheer for her having dodged what would probably be not such a great relationship given all his reluctance to commit.
And, yeah, why does he have to talk to the moms in these shows?
When my daughter is old enough to date (after the year 2019 and no sooner.) if some guy like Schaeffer calls ME up to ask if my daughter is freaky?
Trust me, he's a dead man walkin'.
He did seem genuinely saddened over the ex-girlfriend though. I'm sure she is better off.
Can you believe that Ashli is 37? Emotionally, she seems more like a 15-year-old.
So, here's what the few of us who are watching this fiasco have to look forward to from the final three episodes:
In episode 208, Eric dates a sultry disc jockey from Kansas, but suffers a bout of gastric distress after dining on fast food.
In episode 209, Eric dates a spiritually minded yogi in Denver, and ponders an oft-debated question about oral gratification.
In episode 210, the second season finale, Eric dates a reality television star in Las Vegas, then competes against Mark in a swimming contest for a $96,000 prize.