Eric Schaeffer Goes to Canada

Okay, I'm on the hook. I said I'd try to give an "un-review" of every episode of this guy's show.

So, this week on Season Two of "I Can't Believe I'm Still Single," we saw Eric and his road crew finally make it across the border to Canada. Literally. We saw them drive over the border.

Hmmm. No, really. What happened in the last episode? I can't remember...

Nothing? I kind of think, sort-of nothing much really happened.

This week there were no "date scenes" just really uninspiring road trip chatter. They all agreed that they still liked Allison, the Burlington, VT date, a lot and even phoned her to tell her the food she enabled Eric with was good "after all."

Okay, there was a visit with his Dad and his stepmom in Canada. Which was what he described as a good visit and yet, inexplicably, made Eric cry because it brought up stuff that made him feel things.

(Real life does that sometimes.)

Eric shared with us more pathology of being a very scary food addict.

So, anyway, after talking our ears off with, what really can only be described as endless, useless banter they finally found some skuzzy hotel for he and his little road crew.

Then he and his chubby sidekick, Mark, immediately set about calling escort services to find out where to go to the nearest "whore house." (What a surprise, it was across the parking lot! Quelle coincidence!)

Apparently, he and Mark go way back and used to shoot up and/or go to brothels in the past, I can't quite figure it all out, but they seemed to be nostalgic for completing some kind of whoring activity together.

Which is, what I think, all men do when they are seeking true love, they troll escort services for finding out where the whores are, right?

They also used funny names for "whores" which sort-of sounded like the name "whores," but wasn't really the actual word "whore." So, funny.

Yep, the final episode shot of the two "boys" scampering across the parking lot over to the "whorehouse" was really cute.

I don't know, I'm not 14 so I didn't really get the humor in any of this episode.

To me it seemed just plain underwhelming and tedious. When it wasn't being gratuitously "deep" to counter the gratuitous sleeze.

That's my episode review.

Believe me, I wish it were more interesting, too.

Comments

Michael Koenig said…
This show is a fascinating train wreck because I have no idea what impression Eric is trying to convey. You forgot to mention the long sequence in which Eric berated Em for showing up fifteen minutes late to pick him up after yoga. Is this supposed to be funny? "Real?" Who knows?

I was also surprised by this episode since OCD Eric had continually told us that the series would include 10 dates in 10 episodes. This episode was completely dateless--unless you count Eric's attempt to pick up the French-speaking gas station attendant, or his assertion of how much he wants to get together with Em (and her obvious disgust at the very idea of same).
Excellent points, indeed.

How could I overlook what may be the closest impersonation of male-pre-menstrual-syndrome on film?

He really was horrible to Em. What a bully he is, I notice he didn't chew out his porker pal, did he? Why? Because unlike Em, Mark would probably punch him for speaking to him the same way.

I certainly hope Em is getting good money from doing this.

Also, yeah -- where the hell was "the date" in that really rambling episode? Was it with the gas station attendant? Maybe it was. Or maybe she was the other side of the parking lot as the lads scampered from their hotel over to the much discussed "french whorehouse."

Yes, I know that if I were single it would really appeal to me to procreate and settle down with a man who says he respects women, but pays for sex with them and refers to them as 'whores.'

Can you imagine what kind of father this guy would make? -- I wouldn't want my kid going on a playdate at his house, let alone raising my kid.
Pedro said…
He kinda had two or three dates in one of the earlier episodes, though, so maybe that counts as ten. I'm thinking of the one where he had a date with the nice Adi, then met the wonky-eyed gimp who was proud of her boobs, and then had a boring date with the gimp's bartender friend.
Michael Koenig said…
Not to mention the fact that he greets the woman he had his first date with the night before by:

1.) Asking her if she'll take Fed Ex delivery of his friend's passport

2.) Asking her to hold up the cue card while he rhapsodizes about his desire for his female assistant and

3.) Asking her to Fed Ex a large quantity of cakes to Chicago so that he can use them on his date with yet another woman.

What a charming fellow!

By the way, Lauren from Episode 2 has a website:

http://www.laurenhobbs.com/

She describes her "date" with Eric as fun and kooky.
Again, great points.

That's so true about his attitude toward Allison by the end of their "date."

When he hung up his cell phone, I recall thinking "Geez, Allison turned into his servant, fast. Is she working for him, now?"

And, that's, uhm, interesting about Lauren. I mean, I'm not surprised that she's promoting herself. After all, she's an actress and never hid that.

However, describing Eric Schaeffer as "fun and kooky" seems like bit of a stretch.

Try "a humiliation I hope to live down by retirement age."
Michael Koenig said…
Lauren's website has only been up for two or three weeks. Clearly, she's riding the wave of popularily that comes from appearing on ICBISS:FPTP: Season Two!

Yep, as with many of the other dating shows on television, most of these women are aspiring performers. Even if they are genuinely fans of Eric's work, they're also there to get exposure. This is certainly true of Lauren, Adi, Wendy Ho (from Episode 1), and probably Allison as well.

On Allison's episode, I was surprised that they didn't repeat the formula from the first two episodes. Before attending Cirque de So Gay, Eric panics, worrying that Allison won't meet his exacting standards in his performance. We then see him at the event, captivated by Allison's wonderfulness, then telling her "You were magnificent! You're a genius!"

Popular posts from this blog

Mysterious Skin: Amazing night of theater at East West Playersysi

I tried to flush Schaeffer's sweater down the toilet.