Eric Schaeffer Goes to Kalamazoo via Hell
Hell, for us, that is.
How is this is a show at all?
What? Watching me do the dishes has got to be more interesting than watching this guy's road trip. Who paid him to do this???! Are they being held at gunpoint to air this crap?
I mean, really. I promised I'd review every episode, so here's my review du jour.
It stank.
I thought he was actually even more annoying than I have previously thought possible.
Note to Hertz Auto Rentals: Sue this guy, please. I do NOT want to rent a van for my family once someone as reckless and filthy as this guy has had his way with your vehicles. I will never use Hertz to rent a car ever again. I might get Schaeffer's skankmobile.
I would have strangled him before they left the parking lot in Canada even before they drove and drove and drove for no reason other than Eric Schaeffer is a total infantile egomaniac who cannot follow directions. Attractive, I know.
Could Schaeffer really get much more disgusting than he was up in that Canadian parking lot? Je ne sais pas.
Okay: Mark and Eric are pigs. That's my review. That show was just one long, boring bus ride to the most dismal corner of the universe with the grossest jerks in the world.
Zero stars for this show.
The woman and her child they visit in Kalamazoo were just both so sad. Lonely. Eric freaked out by having to deal with a little boy who did not want to share his mom with anyone, let alone as weird and gross as Eric Schaeffer. Can you blame him?
But, the really desperate moment of that date's was when she excuses herself to return dressed in a Batgirl outfit.
Yuck. Then she got the old "shuck and you-know-what." How humiliating.
"Thanks, Batgirl. Here's a scat bar I may not even want to see again, but you can have this stupid piece of fattening junkfood if and only if I deem you worthy enough. Bye. I hate your kid."
Bad show. Boring. Skanky.
How is this is a show at all?
What? Watching me do the dishes has got to be more interesting than watching this guy's road trip. Who paid him to do this???! Are they being held at gunpoint to air this crap?
I mean, really. I promised I'd review every episode, so here's my review du jour.
It stank.
I thought he was actually even more annoying than I have previously thought possible.
Note to Hertz Auto Rentals: Sue this guy, please. I do NOT want to rent a van for my family once someone as reckless and filthy as this guy has had his way with your vehicles. I will never use Hertz to rent a car ever again. I might get Schaeffer's skankmobile.
I would have strangled him before they left the parking lot in Canada even before they drove and drove and drove for no reason other than Eric Schaeffer is a total infantile egomaniac who cannot follow directions. Attractive, I know.
Could Schaeffer really get much more disgusting than he was up in that Canadian parking lot? Je ne sais pas.
Okay: Mark and Eric are pigs. That's my review. That show was just one long, boring bus ride to the most dismal corner of the universe with the grossest jerks in the world.
Zero stars for this show.
The woman and her child they visit in Kalamazoo were just both so sad. Lonely. Eric freaked out by having to deal with a little boy who did not want to share his mom with anyone, let alone as weird and gross as Eric Schaeffer. Can you blame him?
But, the really desperate moment of that date's was when she excuses herself to return dressed in a Batgirl outfit.
Yuck. Then she got the old "shuck and you-know-what." How humiliating.
"Thanks, Batgirl. Here's a scat bar I may not even want to see again, but you can have this stupid piece of fattening junkfood if and only if I deem you worthy enough. Bye. I hate your kid."
Bad show. Boring. Skanky.
Comments
"You're traveling from Los Angeles to Kalamazoo for a blind date? You brought all these people with you for your date? Good luck, sir."
Give that man his own show!
Oh, and if I were a woman going out with Mr. Schaeffer for the first time, I'd at least insist on going to a decent restaurant. Allison is the only one who's gotten him to take her somewhere.
(And don't fall for the excuse that he needs to go home and tape Survivor. Lauren fell for that one.)
I feel like you and I were separated at birth when I read comments like this.
Great observations.
Like a busy mom who clearly was made to wait forever until her "big date" with Eric Shaeffer finally even showed up -- would ever WANT to stay home and COOK IT HERSELF? Not.
Could this guy look anymore like a deadbeat than that?
"Hate to eat and run, but..."
And, yes, I remember that moment when he fed Lauren that line and was surprised he didn't wink at the camera right then.
Perfect points.
Thanks!
I never would have thought that the show would draw much of a female audience, but clearly there were women who watched Season One who related to this man and wanted to contact him, send him photos of themselves, etc. To me, it's a reminder of how potent television is in creating characters who start to seem like real people in our lives, even though it's just a one-way conversation. Does Bree fantasize about moving away from Kalamazoo, having a relationship with Eric, moving to NYC? Or is this just a chance to be on TV, a weird experience she can talk about for the rest of her life? Maybe the women should get their own spinoff. . .
I think the answer is obvious from his on-screen persona. Whatever you think of his odious personality, Eric Schaeffer is a hustler. He sizes up everyone he meets to see just what he can get out of them. He's not afraid to ask for exactly what he wants at any given moment. That's the sort of personality that enables a marginally talented dude to finish a bunch of low budget movies, but it's hard to sustain an intimate relationship with that kind of mentality. (Does he even want one?)
The kid was cute, but he was being placed in a really inappropriate situation. A bunch of strangers come to your home, then your mom goes off in another room with a man she's just met while you're watching videos with his crew? No wonder he was stressed out and cranky.
If they rented from Hertz, why didn't they just get a vehicle with NeverLost? My guess is for the added drama of having Eric not know where he was going.
Michael: I spent some time trying my best to find out how the rate the viewership of certain shows, and I can't really figure it out yet, but I'm trying.
Consider this my "work in progress..."
And, frankly, I, too, am mystified by the potent spell fame seems to cast over these seemingly nice women...I mean, Eric and Ebner are hardly who I'd want hanging around me if I were single, but, go figure.
I mean. Does it really seem like Eric would be true love material from his series? I simply do not get it. Which, for me, is far more interesting...Not what Eric will do next, but just what kind of woman would sincerely fall in love with such a self-focused chump.
And to respond, to Tony:
Is it staged? Hmmm. Well, nothing surprises me anymore and I think Eric Schaeffer is capable of pranking anyone for attention, even us, the audience, if it gets him one.
But, I do think much of it is, sadly, most real.
The antics in the van on the way to Kalamazoo...Oh, God. Who would try to act that annoying?
And, the kid, for me was the real litmus test (is that how that's spelled?)
This kid was really not comfortable with Eric and the tension was very real and potent. Hard to make that stuff up.
How awful is it that Mom gave out more than candy in her Halloween costume? Yuck, Mom.
I hope the boy's dad wasn't watching the show. I'd be upset my kid was in the house during mom's "date."
And, naturally, this is even absurd, but apparently Louise, Tony and Michael (and one very lonely single mom in Kalamazoo) are the only morons watching this!
Oops, looks like we've been punked by Ashton and Schaeffer!
No, I do get the appeal.
You're right, Michael, he is a good verbal hustler. So's Ebner, naturally.
Just deep enough to pull someone in, but not able to stay on subject for more than a five minute soundbite, he'd be a good late night cable talk show host, actually.
Maybe that's his calling. Very ADHD conversational skills, perfect for that forum.
Thanks for the great comments!
Don't leave home with Eric.
"Sorry, team. We went over budget on the 'hoores' line item of our budget. Times are tough. We need to cut somewhere."