Part II "Final Ep." Eric Schaeffer's "I Cant' Believe I'm Still Single," (THE SWIM CONTEST, L.A.)
Well, the great journey has commenced and after all the interviews, the driving, the meetings the deep thoughts from Eric, Mark and Em, we followed the merry trio back to the home of all great art, Los Angeles.
Here in LA, Mr. Schaeffer had a screening of all his dates in Los Angeles to get a democratic perspective, aka, votes from his friends, to modify what he was going to do anyway.
But, not before the following:
Remember the woman, Erin, from our last segment? The woman he improvised an interview with on his way to meet with his Colorado date, Lauren? You know, the one I said was interesting and complex?
Yeah, apparently Eric remembered Erin, from his previous segment, too.
And before he could even get out of Colorado Eric inexplicably begins to spew a gross, lurid sex-fantasy ramble about, not the he was on a date with that night, but "a dream" about her girl friend, who did nothing at all but answer a few questions of Eric on his way into the date. It was bizarre, to say the least.
Instead of taking a bit of responsibility for perhaps being too optimistic about his ability to charm the pants off a confirmed Bible-thumper, he apparently projected his frustration about bombing out with Lauren onto the subject of poor Erin, who really didn't deserve to be dragged into this show at all.
Huh?
But, and I guess I will revisit the past episode a bit more, in how it ties into to my feelings about this one.
Why was he still so tormented by the way the date turned out? In this last episode it is clear he is still completely shocked, which I don't get.
He's into some very kinky stuff and is certainly quite upfront about that. She's into Jesus and isn't shy about this, either.
So, how was this supposed to work, exactly?
She didn't seem to expect anyone to adhere to the same beliefs, she simply stated her own expectations for marriage which also included seeking a husband who felt the same way that she did.
But, Eric pressed further, seeking details on how her Christian principles might affect his own sexual future with her, say, for this date. Or the possibly the next one.
He apparently did not hear the chat Lauren had earlier with Mark and Em outside the restaurant.
"So, do you think homosexuality is wrong?" asks Eric?
She does not hesitate -- she does.
Eric presses on presumably trying to put words in her mouth since this will be the only thing he gets in there: "...And that they are sinners and that all sinners deserve to to to hell because they don't repent?"
-- Lauren snaps back "-- I didn't say that!"
"But that what the Bible says," counters Eric.
In a rapid-fire response, Lauren, justifies her stance on camera: "The Bible says the judgment is 'reserved to God.' Are you surprised by any of this?" She seems genuinely rattled by things by now.
He sits back with a sigh and says quite seriously "Uhm. I'm really surprised. I'm really surprised..."
Once again, I find myself thinking "Well, you're the only here who is surprised, Eric."
So, what my question is at this stage of the entire show is was this 'date' real at all? Or just a film opportunity? How the hell could he have serious thought this date would work? Surely even on the internet these two must have learned that they were not good date material, no?
These were the questions I had. How much of this was sincerely about his seeking a wife?
How much of it was merely audience freak show material that was thinly disguised as reality television?
Was this whole "reality series" just an improvised comedy act that we are led to believe was real all along? I guess I'm skeptical at this point.
Or does Eric Schaeffer really and truly so overestimate his ability to charm the pants off anything that he believes he can reason anyone into evolving? Regardless how far out of mainstream his beliefs are?
There is a naive core to him that actually seems to think that being friendly and explanatory about how his outlook is that if he just states his case long enough it will be enough to change the mind of, well, whoever he is talking to.
Well, just watch the nature of our last three presidental elections to see how easy it is to state the obvious to the world and expect the world in return to evolve.
Nope. Doesn't happen like that.
People have deep, ingrained beliefs and as frustrating as it is, people don't seem to always evolve just because the evidence for evolution is staring them in the face. Sometimes wisdom is knowing when to walk away and pick a different person to engage in discussion. Clearly, this seems like an obvious characteristic to develop when searching for wife. On national television. But, what do I know?
Here's what I see as an interesting thematic link in the final two episodes: Eric over estimates his charm. And he loses the race in doing so. Twice.
While arguing in the car with his van-mates Mark Ebner ends up challenging Eric to a duel. Or visa versa. So, what you have are two guys stuck in a van both of which think they are the single alpha male. However, only one is truly Alpha and it's not the one in charge of the show.
Okay, so, well, Eric and Mark start to compete. Verbally. In the van.
After telling Eric that Mark considers himself a better skier Mark goes one further by suggesting they "double down on any sport involving fighting, punching, fighting, kicking. Any one of those."
They decide upon swimming. Eric declares he could never be beat in any swimming contest. That he can do this sort of thing hands down.
And thus, Eric Schaeffer with his hubris alive and kicking drags his reputation once again to the mat by betting $12,ooo that he will kick his friend, Mark's ass in a swimming race once they get to Los Angeles.
Eventually, the said sporting event takes place.
THE SWIM CONTEST. (Los Angeles)
Ebner vs. Schaeffer.
I have to say, The Swim Contest was quite a sight to see. I mean, for two "mid-century" guys who have now spent countless hours both on and presumably, off-camera judging every detail of women's physiques and build, it was almost worth making it this far into ICBISS just to watch them both squirm in the naked light of day as they disrobe prior to hitting the water.
(Note: I do not have a video clip of this special moment, but if I DID, it would certainly go here.)
In case you missed it, they are both, portly, to say the least. Ebner sports a beer belly and a large face of a dog inexplicably tattooed on his upper arm. And then there was the formerly confident Eric Schaeffer suddenly quite camera shy, finally summoning all his courage just to remove his trademark v-neck t-shirt. And now we know why. For a guy seeking a wife, I would have suggested he remain clothed. He has rather unimpressive balding man boobs separated by a narrow strip of chest that resembles hair cleavage. And, not that this should surprise anyone, he sports precisely kind of spare tire anyone would aquire after this particular motor-trek across North America in his cinematic mommy van.
But, this scene is truly worth saving and viewing for every woman he ever judged or demeaned sexually during his personal quest for female perfection worthy of being his true soul mate.
Witnessing the collective discomfort with the baring of their own bulges and bellies acquired on their a road trip fueled by Applebees and Nemo's bars in the harsh Los Angeles poolside light was pretty entertaining. And, as I said, is all just revenge for every single judgment they made about so many women along the way.
Not only are they both exposed in every sense of the word, but Eric is finally and ultimately faced with losing the race. Both of them.
And he has to accept what this means.
Hubris gets us into some pretty tight spots, and this is why -- it is best to leave the camera home when filming your real life.
Earier his friends had voted for who his friends liked the best, and Eric agreed with their choices.
He ultimately chose the following as the final three who were lucky enough to get the "nemo bar phone call." Actually a total of five of the 10 got a nemo bar phone call, but this is how they were finally ranked:
First Place: Lauren -- From NEW YORK, not Colorado.
Second Place: Alison, the woman from Burlington, Vermont. (Who his mother said she liked before hand.)
Third Place: Samantha, a pretty brunette he hooked up with at the end of the trip in a restaurant in Los Angeles. She did seem genuinely sweet, but also a bit dazed and, well, young.
His second string consisted of: Emily the DJ from Kansas and Ashli.
Then in a flurry of subtitles we learn the final outcomes of the nemo-bar date calls.
It sort-of looks like they all pretty much dumped him, except the woman, Samantha, that he meets in Los Angeles who is pretty, and very young, and a bit too lost to be terribly opinionated at this stage of her life.
Who knows what happened really. I don't.
Whew.
--- So, that's it folks!
Here in LA, Mr. Schaeffer had a screening of all his dates in Los Angeles to get a democratic perspective, aka, votes from his friends, to modify what he was going to do anyway.
But, not before the following:
Remember the woman, Erin, from our last segment? The woman he improvised an interview with on his way to meet with his Colorado date, Lauren? You know, the one I said was interesting and complex?
Yeah, apparently Eric remembered Erin, from his previous segment, too.
And before he could even get out of Colorado Eric inexplicably begins to spew a gross, lurid sex-fantasy ramble about, not the he was on a date with that night, but "a dream" about her girl friend, who did nothing at all but answer a few questions of Eric on his way into the date. It was bizarre, to say the least.
Instead of taking a bit of responsibility for perhaps being too optimistic about his ability to charm the pants off a confirmed Bible-thumper, he apparently projected his frustration about bombing out with Lauren onto the subject of poor Erin, who really didn't deserve to be dragged into this show at all.
Huh?
But, and I guess I will revisit the past episode a bit more, in how it ties into to my feelings about this one.
Why was he still so tormented by the way the date turned out? In this last episode it is clear he is still completely shocked, which I don't get.
He's into some very kinky stuff and is certainly quite upfront about that. She's into Jesus and isn't shy about this, either.
So, how was this supposed to work, exactly?
She didn't seem to expect anyone to adhere to the same beliefs, she simply stated her own expectations for marriage which also included seeking a husband who felt the same way that she did.
But, Eric pressed further, seeking details on how her Christian principles might affect his own sexual future with her, say, for this date. Or the possibly the next one.
He apparently did not hear the chat Lauren had earlier with Mark and Em outside the restaurant.
"So, do you think homosexuality is wrong?" asks Eric?
She does not hesitate -- she does.
Eric presses on presumably trying to put words in her mouth since this will be the only thing he gets in there: "...And that they are sinners and that all sinners deserve to to to hell because they don't repent?"
-- Lauren snaps back "-- I didn't say that!"
"But that what the Bible says," counters Eric.
In a rapid-fire response, Lauren, justifies her stance on camera: "The Bible says the judgment is 'reserved to God.' Are you surprised by any of this?" She seems genuinely rattled by things by now.
He sits back with a sigh and says quite seriously "Uhm. I'm really surprised. I'm really surprised..."
Once again, I find myself thinking "Well, you're the only here who is surprised, Eric."
So, what my question is at this stage of the entire show is was this 'date' real at all? Or just a film opportunity? How the hell could he have serious thought this date would work? Surely even on the internet these two must have learned that they were not good date material, no?
These were the questions I had. How much of this was sincerely about his seeking a wife?
How much of it was merely audience freak show material that was thinly disguised as reality television?
Was this whole "reality series" just an improvised comedy act that we are led to believe was real all along? I guess I'm skeptical at this point.
Or does Eric Schaeffer really and truly so overestimate his ability to charm the pants off anything that he believes he can reason anyone into evolving? Regardless how far out of mainstream his beliefs are?
There is a naive core to him that actually seems to think that being friendly and explanatory about how his outlook is that if he just states his case long enough it will be enough to change the mind of, well, whoever he is talking to.
Well, just watch the nature of our last three presidental elections to see how easy it is to state the obvious to the world and expect the world in return to evolve.
Nope. Doesn't happen like that.
People have deep, ingrained beliefs and as frustrating as it is, people don't seem to always evolve just because the evidence for evolution is staring them in the face. Sometimes wisdom is knowing when to walk away and pick a different person to engage in discussion. Clearly, this seems like an obvious characteristic to develop when searching for wife. On national television. But, what do I know?
Here's what I see as an interesting thematic link in the final two episodes: Eric over estimates his charm. And he loses the race in doing so. Twice.
While arguing in the car with his van-mates Mark Ebner ends up challenging Eric to a duel. Or visa versa. So, what you have are two guys stuck in a van both of which think they are the single alpha male. However, only one is truly Alpha and it's not the one in charge of the show.
Okay, so, well, Eric and Mark start to compete. Verbally. In the van.
After telling Eric that Mark considers himself a better skier Mark goes one further by suggesting they "double down on any sport involving fighting, punching, fighting, kicking. Any one of those."
They decide upon swimming. Eric declares he could never be beat in any swimming contest. That he can do this sort of thing hands down.
And thus, Eric Schaeffer with his hubris alive and kicking drags his reputation once again to the mat by betting $12,ooo that he will kick his friend, Mark's ass in a swimming race once they get to Los Angeles.
Eventually, the said sporting event takes place.
THE SWIM CONTEST. (Los Angeles)
Ebner vs. Schaeffer.
I have to say, The Swim Contest was quite a sight to see. I mean, for two "mid-century" guys who have now spent countless hours both on and presumably, off-camera judging every detail of women's physiques and build, it was almost worth making it this far into ICBISS just to watch them both squirm in the naked light of day as they disrobe prior to hitting the water.
(Note: I do not have a video clip of this special moment, but if I DID, it would certainly go here.)
In case you missed it, they are both, portly, to say the least. Ebner sports a beer belly and a large face of a dog inexplicably tattooed on his upper arm. And then there was the formerly confident Eric Schaeffer suddenly quite camera shy, finally summoning all his courage just to remove his trademark v-neck t-shirt. And now we know why. For a guy seeking a wife, I would have suggested he remain clothed. He has rather unimpressive balding man boobs separated by a narrow strip of chest that resembles hair cleavage. And, not that this should surprise anyone, he sports precisely kind of spare tire anyone would aquire after this particular motor-trek across North America in his cinematic mommy van.
But, this scene is truly worth saving and viewing for every woman he ever judged or demeaned sexually during his personal quest for female perfection worthy of being his true soul mate.
Witnessing the collective discomfort with the baring of their own bulges and bellies acquired on their a road trip fueled by Applebees and Nemo's bars in the harsh Los Angeles poolside light was pretty entertaining. And, as I said, is all just revenge for every single judgment they made about so many women along the way.
Not only are they both exposed in every sense of the word, but Eric is finally and ultimately faced with losing the race. Both of them.
And he has to accept what this means.
Hubris gets us into some pretty tight spots, and this is why -- it is best to leave the camera home when filming your real life.
Earier his friends had voted for who his friends liked the best, and Eric agreed with their choices.
He ultimately chose the following as the final three who were lucky enough to get the "nemo bar phone call." Actually a total of five of the 10 got a nemo bar phone call, but this is how they were finally ranked:
First Place: Lauren -- From NEW YORK, not Colorado.
Second Place: Alison, the woman from Burlington, Vermont. (Who his mother said she liked before hand.)
Third Place: Samantha, a pretty brunette he hooked up with at the end of the trip in a restaurant in Los Angeles. She did seem genuinely sweet, but also a bit dazed and, well, young.
His second string consisted of: Emily the DJ from Kansas and Ashli.
Then in a flurry of subtitles we learn the final outcomes of the nemo-bar date calls.
It sort-of looks like they all pretty much dumped him, except the woman, Samantha, that he meets in Los Angeles who is pretty, and very young, and a bit too lost to be terribly opinionated at this stage of her life.
Who knows what happened really. I don't.
Whew.
--- So, that's it folks!