The Emily/Hailey date in Part two of "I Can't Believe I'm Still Single"
Okay, look, I said I would do this, that I would actually take the time to comment on each and every episode of this show but, trust me, this is getting to be a tougher promise to deliver on as each week goes by.
And to be honest, if I didn't have TiVo to help me out, then the truth is I'd never be able to do this at all. The show is becoming such a blur to me without having good digital memory assistance.
So, my point is I'm behind my episode recaps, however here is my next highly sought after "episode-re-cap" of Eric Schaeffer's smokin' hot cable show, I Can't Believe I'm Still Single, Part Two.
This show, which is almost the last show (she asked, hopefully) was his Kansas date, the episode in which Mr. Schaeffer journeys from Colorado to Wichita, Kansas to meet with the lovely Emily aka DJ "Hailey Jones."
Emily/Hailey actually seemed quite good-natured and friendly, and held up very well, I thought, to his off-putting antics.
She had courage meeting this guy on air, and she had her wits about her for the entire time, which is so much more than one can say for the other women.
Mark bagged on her for being young and probably wanting to ride Eric's coat tails out of the country into the big city with him (which I think to be a wildly dubious presumption on Mark's part. And Eric wouldn't be riding on the coat tails of her youth and goodness?)
She was less petite than the other women may have been, but she had lovely hair, a supple wit and a nice speaking voice, which certainly are not traits 'Miss Florida' can lay claim to.
Gosh, I don't know if it's me that's losing interest in this show or if Eric was losing interest in his own show which may account for my having SO much trouble remembering what the hell happened in it.
I think Emily/Hailey and Eric didn't have much chemistry.
Their date appeared to be played out on a bleak, empty, expanse of white nothingness. In an empty, giant, ill-serviced health club in the middle of all a barren, winter wasteland. Gee, what's more romantic than a "table for two" in that, right? I mean, call me crazy (Or just Anne Heche) but I'll take a candlelit meal at Applebee's over that date's ambiance any day. (I've never been to Applebee's, actually. Can any restaurant really be that awful?)
We got to watch Eric show off mediocre basketball skills. (My 12 year old could easily top his skills on the court.)
And we got to watch Mark and Eric phone sleazy people for even sleazier reasons on their cell phones. Which was so different from last time we saw this sort of thing. Poor crew members they must have felt filthy be the time they got to their hotel rooms every day.
Speaking of "Road Trip," what's a road trip without a soundtrack?! Seriously? No radio?
Here's what I want to know about Eric Schaeffer's road trips: What music are they listening to? Sorry, but this is a very defining part of my road trips. Music becomes a part of the moving landscape.
Any Fountains of Wayne's Traffic and Weather? Springsteen? Beck? Beth Orton? Or simply some country or hip hop radio stations from any of the towns they're passing through? What music is playing in the background of this road trip? Nada? -- Boring.
You can tell more about what relationship someone has to the part of the world they are in by the music they choose to listen to while in that part of the world.
Back to the show.
We got to hear way too much about crappy food chains. Even a blind man could read Eric's lips for this segment that he had gastrointestinal issues with Applebee's.
Then he proved his claim the food was bad as well as his continuing charm by "passing wind" in the foyer of the Kansas radio station, then suggesting to the poor receptionist she help him out of his gastrointestinal discomfort by servicing him "orally." (seriously) He explained to her in a hopeful tone of voice that this is what has helped him in the past with his upset tummy before.
Wow. Who does he think he is? Aerosmith? God, he must think he's really famous for this line to work.
I know, so charming. Then he cut one for all to experience, witness, smell, notice etc. Terrific.
For me this was a "deal breaker moment"#4032, if there ever was one.
Okay, well. Genuinely funny moments: There were two.
Eric yelling at the "God hates Fags" protesters in Chicago, as well as the very funniest moment which was when Eric whacked Mark with with a riding crop when he starts snoring in the van.
Those moments genuinely made me laugh.
Sincerest moment in this episode? Schaeffer's early morning parking lot epiphany scene.
This was when Eric is standing in an office somewhere and gazing out of an expanse of windows looking out into a white, frozen parking lot which so bleak and drained of all color that it seemed like a big white curtain, but then he says the following line, in a voice that, for me, for once actually sounded real. He said,
"...Where are we? What are we doing? Can't we go home? Honestly, I can't continue to just be a circus freak on display for American women to feed on."
Well, sorry, Mr. clown, but you asked for this. I mean, this is the reality you created for yourself, isn't it? So, own it.
Oh, and how many women would that be really? 12? 12.7?
In any event, for me this was this particular episode's most revelatory moment.
Oh, and I will also post here (thanks to my DVR) Eric Schaeffer's Famous Cookie Recipe since I am running out of impressions to comment on.
ERIC SCHAEFFER'S COOKIE RECIPE.
I cup whole wheat pastry flour
1 cup minute oats
2 over ripe bananas
2 tbs vanilla extract (alcohol free)
Mash together
Becomes base of cookies/brownies
3/4 "___" (mystery scribble) add chocolate chips, vegan or otherwise
Bake at 375 degrees for 15 minutes for cookies
Bake for 30 minutes if baking in brownie pan.
Okay...that's my current "I Can't Believe I'm Not Single" episode re-cap of his Part Two, "Kansas date."
And to be honest, if I didn't have TiVo to help me out, then the truth is I'd never be able to do this at all. The show is becoming such a blur to me without having good digital memory assistance.
So, my point is I'm behind my episode recaps, however here is my next highly sought after "episode-re-cap" of Eric Schaeffer's smokin' hot cable show, I Can't Believe I'm Still Single, Part Two.
This show, which is almost the last show (she asked, hopefully) was his Kansas date, the episode in which Mr. Schaeffer journeys from Colorado to Wichita, Kansas to meet with the lovely Emily aka DJ "Hailey Jones."
Emily/Hailey actually seemed quite good-natured and friendly, and held up very well, I thought, to his off-putting antics.
She had courage meeting this guy on air, and she had her wits about her for the entire time, which is so much more than one can say for the other women.
Mark bagged on her for being young and probably wanting to ride Eric's coat tails out of the country into the big city with him (which I think to be a wildly dubious presumption on Mark's part. And Eric wouldn't be riding on the coat tails of her youth and goodness?)
She was less petite than the other women may have been, but she had lovely hair, a supple wit and a nice speaking voice, which certainly are not traits 'Miss Florida' can lay claim to.
Gosh, I don't know if it's me that's losing interest in this show or if Eric was losing interest in his own show which may account for my having SO much trouble remembering what the hell happened in it.
I think Emily/Hailey and Eric didn't have much chemistry.
Their date appeared to be played out on a bleak, empty, expanse of white nothingness. In an empty, giant, ill-serviced health club in the middle of all a barren, winter wasteland. Gee, what's more romantic than a "table for two" in that, right? I mean, call me crazy (Or just Anne Heche) but I'll take a candlelit meal at Applebee's over that date's ambiance any day. (I've never been to Applebee's, actually. Can any restaurant really be that awful?)
We got to watch Eric show off mediocre basketball skills. (My 12 year old could easily top his skills on the court.)
And we got to watch Mark and Eric phone sleazy people for even sleazier reasons on their cell phones. Which was so different from last time we saw this sort of thing. Poor crew members they must have felt filthy be the time they got to their hotel rooms every day.
Speaking of "Road Trip," what's a road trip without a soundtrack?! Seriously? No radio?
Here's what I want to know about Eric Schaeffer's road trips: What music are they listening to? Sorry, but this is a very defining part of my road trips. Music becomes a part of the moving landscape.
Any Fountains of Wayne's Traffic and Weather? Springsteen? Beck? Beth Orton? Or simply some country or hip hop radio stations from any of the towns they're passing through? What music is playing in the background of this road trip? Nada? -- Boring.
You can tell more about what relationship someone has to the part of the world they are in by the music they choose to listen to while in that part of the world.
Back to the show.
We got to hear way too much about crappy food chains. Even a blind man could read Eric's lips for this segment that he had gastrointestinal issues with Applebee's.
Then he proved his claim the food was bad as well as his continuing charm by "passing wind" in the foyer of the Kansas radio station, then suggesting to the poor receptionist she help him out of his gastrointestinal discomfort by servicing him "orally." (seriously) He explained to her in a hopeful tone of voice that this is what has helped him in the past with his upset tummy before.
Wow. Who does he think he is? Aerosmith? God, he must think he's really famous for this line to work.
I know, so charming. Then he cut one for all to experience, witness, smell, notice etc. Terrific.
For me this was a "deal breaker moment"#4032, if there ever was one.
Okay, well. Genuinely funny moments: There were two.
Eric yelling at the "God hates Fags" protesters in Chicago, as well as the very funniest moment which was when Eric whacked Mark with with a riding crop when he starts snoring in the van.
Those moments genuinely made me laugh.
Sincerest moment in this episode? Schaeffer's early morning parking lot epiphany scene.
This was when Eric is standing in an office somewhere and gazing out of an expanse of windows looking out into a white, frozen parking lot which so bleak and drained of all color that it seemed like a big white curtain, but then he says the following line, in a voice that, for me, for once actually sounded real. He said,
"...Where are we? What are we doing? Can't we go home? Honestly, I can't continue to just be a circus freak on display for American women to feed on."
Well, sorry, Mr. clown, but you asked for this. I mean, this is the reality you created for yourself, isn't it? So, own it.
Oh, and how many women would that be really? 12? 12.7?
In any event, for me this was this particular episode's most revelatory moment.
Oh, and I will also post here (thanks to my DVR) Eric Schaeffer's Famous Cookie Recipe since I am running out of impressions to comment on.
ERIC SCHAEFFER'S COOKIE RECIPE.
I cup whole wheat pastry flour
1 cup minute oats
2 over ripe bananas
2 tbs vanilla extract (alcohol free)
Mash together
Becomes base of cookies/brownies
3/4 "___" (mystery scribble) add chocolate chips, vegan or otherwise
- *Important 'Louise' note. If planning to share the cookies with strangers, read the labels to make sure your chocolate chips are peanut-free.
- Schaeffer isn't a parent yet, so he doesn't realize how many kids born since 1990 have severe peanut allergies which can be lethal.
- *Important 'Louise' note Again, if planning to share these with strangers, please substitute soynut butter for peanut butter. It tastes just like peanut butter, but is, in fact, 100% peanut-free. The best tasting soynut butter is from Trader Joes. Works for substitutions in Thai cooking, as well.
Bake at 375 degrees for 15 minutes for cookies
Bake for 30 minutes if baking in brownie pan.
Okay...that's my current "I Can't Believe I'm Not Single" episode re-cap of his Part Two, "Kansas date."
Comments
The Wichita episode had a completely perfunctory feel about it, as if Eric were performing some contractual obligation in going out with this woman. I really had the feeling that they decided to do the "date" in the health club so that they could get back on the road before sundown. Or maybe he's so insecure about dating a tall woman that he has to play basketball with her to assert his superiority. You make the call.
Speaking of contractual obligations, why do all these dates immediately turn into negotiations where Eric tries to figure out how many loopholes he can find in the marriage vows? Is he really that jaded, or is he so avant garde that he makes romantic comedies with absolutely no romance?
Because I'm emotionally disturbed, I found Hailey's webpage at the radio station in Wichita. It appears that she's moved on since then:
http://www.power939.com/pages/303841.php?
She says that the three qualities she dislikes in a person are Dishonesty, Rudeness, and Narrow Mindedness. Well, we know that Eric's not narrow minded, anyway.
In case you haven't seen the Denver episode, I won't spoil it, but we find out why he was in such a hurry to get to Denver. . .And then it all goes horribly horribly wrong.
Besides, it's the one thing that we do share in common with Mr. ES.
PS. Thanks for sharing the link to Hailey's webpage.