Speeding virginity restored!
It's official. I beat my traffic ticket!
Perhaps some of you may remember my former post (rant) from earlier this year titled Speeding Virgin No More.
Well, it took a while, but today in the mail was a tidy letter from the county and a check for the ticket I paid way back when.
Now, the news of my having successfully resorted to using my wit and righteous zeal in order to clear my name should be cause for celebration at La Casa de Larsen, but apparently it isn't for the four of us.
Truthfully, husband's been rather cool to this development. I'm not entirely convinced that he feels this act of mercy toward me is entirely...justified.
I would pop the cork, but I'm thinking that celebration of this order would be in poor taste for a variety of reasons.
First and foremost, I would never want any harm to come to anyone from reckless drivers and do not advocate dodging the system as such.
Besides, it would be very dicey karma, too.
Also, the other reason is that I don't want to "rub it in." You see, my spouse and I have something of a running "debate" about who is the better driver. Let's just say, I have had less tickets in my life, for whatever that's worth.
(For the record Pete insists I add this paragraph that none of his tickets were from speeding. He says one of them was "for running a stop sign at 16." and the only other one was for "tinted windows you made me get, so that should have been your ticket." But the truth is, I think he's rather gilding the lily. Clearly, this entire subject is still one of great debate.)
I digress.
Pete: (legs propped up on coffee table watching Chuck.) "You got a piece of mail today. It's on the table."
Louise opening an envelope with a little window she ignored earlier because anything with little windows depresses her, and depressing mail should only be opened in the morning, not right before bed.)
Louise: "What, this? "
Pete: (Glancing up and then back to Chuck. He knows what it is. She'll figure it out.)
Louise triumphantly holding up one page of computer print out of check from City of Orange.
Louise: "Wow! It's official, I beat my traffic ticket! Wow. Sometimes BS pays! Oh, I promise to drive so, so slowly, now. And I'm going to be so nice to the traffic police."
Pete: (hasn't taken his eyes off Chuck.) "Yep."
Louise: "So, this means...Let's see...If I did a blog post titled "Speeding Virgin No More," but then I'm refunded for that ticket, then what kind of virgin does this make me? Am I a 'Traffic Infraction Virgin?'
Pete: (flatly) "Uh, nope. It just means you had hymen reconstruction surgery. You're still a virgin."
Louise: "That's it?"
Pete: "Yeah, that's it."
-----------------------------------------------------------
If you would care to know how I did this, I could tell you it was the long, detailed and heartfelt letter I wrote to the County defending my driving honor.
Or , I could scan and post my very embarrassing, messy map I drew of the "scene of the crime." (I tried to make it so detailed and confusing that any fool would just give up.)
Or, I could surmise that the officer in question was simply out of town when this form landed on his desk to sign, and the truth is: I'll never know what it was that earned me this small act of mercy.
But, I will take it as a good omen that sometimes, bullshit pays. Which, for all of us bloggers out there, is pretty encouraging news.
Perhaps some of you may remember my former post (rant) from earlier this year titled Speeding Virgin No More.
Well, it took a while, but today in the mail was a tidy letter from the county and a check for the ticket I paid way back when.
Now, the news of my having successfully resorted to using my wit and righteous zeal in order to clear my name should be cause for celebration at La Casa de Larsen, but apparently it isn't for the four of us.
Truthfully, husband's been rather cool to this development. I'm not entirely convinced that he feels this act of mercy toward me is entirely...justified.
I would pop the cork, but I'm thinking that celebration of this order would be in poor taste for a variety of reasons.
First and foremost, I would never want any harm to come to anyone from reckless drivers and do not advocate dodging the system as such.
Besides, it would be very dicey karma, too.
Also, the other reason is that I don't want to "rub it in." You see, my spouse and I have something of a running "debate" about who is the better driver. Let's just say, I have had less tickets in my life, for whatever that's worth.
(For the record Pete insists I add this paragraph that none of his tickets were from speeding. He says one of them was "for running a stop sign at 16." and the only other one was for "tinted windows you made me get, so that should have been your ticket." But the truth is, I think he's rather gilding the lily. Clearly, this entire subject is still one of great debate.)
I digress.
Pete: (legs propped up on coffee table watching Chuck.) "You got a piece of mail today. It's on the table."
Louise opening an envelope with a little window she ignored earlier because anything with little windows depresses her, and depressing mail should only be opened in the morning, not right before bed.)
Louise: "What, this? "
Pete: (Glancing up and then back to Chuck. He knows what it is. She'll figure it out.)
Louise triumphantly holding up one page of computer print out of check from City of Orange.
Louise: "Wow! It's official, I beat my traffic ticket! Wow. Sometimes BS pays! Oh, I promise to drive so, so slowly, now. And I'm going to be so nice to the traffic police."
Pete: (hasn't taken his eyes off Chuck.) "Yep."
Louise: "So, this means...Let's see...If I did a blog post titled "Speeding Virgin No More," but then I'm refunded for that ticket, then what kind of virgin does this make me? Am I a 'Traffic Infraction Virgin?'
Pete: (flatly) "Uh, nope. It just means you had hymen reconstruction surgery. You're still a virgin."
Louise: "That's it?"
Pete: "Yeah, that's it."
-----------------------------------------------------------
If you would care to know how I did this, I could tell you it was the long, detailed and heartfelt letter I wrote to the County defending my driving honor.
Or , I could scan and post my very embarrassing, messy map I drew of the "scene of the crime." (I tried to make it so detailed and confusing that any fool would just give up.)
Or, I could surmise that the officer in question was simply out of town when this form landed on his desk to sign, and the truth is: I'll never know what it was that earned me this small act of mercy.
But, I will take it as a good omen that sometimes, bullshit pays. Which, for all of us bloggers out there, is pretty encouraging news.
Comments
But it sounds like I should pay the fine first before I get thrown in jail, right? And then go back and try to get my money back?
Did you do a search on google regarding key words from your post?
You need to search using specific code #s & citations?
And -- I cannot state it enough: That freakin' book Beating Your Traffic Ticket saved my ass.
Do a search from your computer on what's similar at your local library. Or check out your local bookstore for similar titles and scan the index for similar issues. They seem to be written by Traffic attorneys who are very good at working the system.
But, the number one way you can fuck yourself up further is by NOT adhering to dates and deadlines. If there's a date and time you need to do something by: Get there way before you need to do this.
Do not ever wait till the last minute to follow through on this. And show them you care enough to skip the phone and get in line at the courthouse. Just bring something good to read and wear comfortable shoes for standing. Yes, it sucks, but if it compromises driving LA, then you gotta just do it.
Sadly, you really will need to drag your ass down there to those boring, long lines at the court and just show up and bring all your documents and highlight any and all things that do not make sense and make those fucker courthouse clerks ANSWER your questions. Bring any and all letters or info you have been given about this with you.
When you get to the clerk's window, take a deep breath, smile and make them take you through what you have to do now like you are an old person from eastern europe. But, stay with them till they give you step by step instruction from them what has to be done next.
Do not feel pressured to "move right along" from their window till they explain what the fuck to do next. Take notes. Write down the name of who talked to you. Let them see you are noting their name so they are even more accountable to helping you. I would not allow myself to "move along, please" till I had a very clear idea of what my options were. Ask the window clerk if there are any suggested times to appear before a judge that "might be more supportive to your case" than others? Hey, if it works, flirt with the clerk, do whatever can to squeeze any and all clues from them how best to proceed. Get the conversation personal, make them care more. Ask them if this is the same advice they'd give their sister/brother/child.
I'm my experience, I find that if I can make the conversation more subjective and personal, I get a whole lot more "off the record" suggestions that I would never have gotten if I just robotically showed up asked a question once and moved along politely. Work your charm, baby, just stop short of bribing them.
If and when you get to the explaining your situation -- I'll scan and email you the rediiiiiculous, convoluded and detailed map I attached to my contesting the fine. It's pretty funny. But, more on that later.
I mean, I know this sounds like overkill, maybe, but $800+ is alot of money these days.
And I was pissed about forking over less than half of that, so I think it's worth it to attempt to clear your name and not just take their shit. Fuck that.
Advice from the trenches.
Been there.