Transcript of Mariah Carey's dopey ramble in Palm Desert
My last blog post was regarding a clip from a foreign film simply titled, "Diva,"
and, today, I'd like to comment on a different sort of "diva;" Diva, Mariah Carey.
Yes, apparently Miss Carey won a "Breakthrough Performance Award" this week for her work in "Precious."
Yes, apparently Miss Carey won a "Breakthrough Performance Award" this week for her work in "Precious."
Regretfully, nobody I know will go see "a movie about abuse" with me, so I haven't had the chance to see Precious, myself, yet, but I've heard the film is amazing and I, for one, am really looking forward to seeing it with or without a movie buddy.
In any case, regarding Ms. Carey's acceptance speech for her work in this film this week, I think it's obvious that Mariah Carey and Paula Abdul share more in common than just a love of plunging necklines.
And so, for this post I decided to write out the entire transcript of her Palm Desert Film Festival acceptance speech. It's a doozy.
And, to be honest, I always find it rather astonishing to read speeches like hers, when boiled down to mere text.
So, we start with Miss Carey being presented with her award alongside her “Precious” director, Lee Daniels.
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Carey: "Oh my Goooooooooness!
Lee: "For you, Mar-Eye-Ya Kitten!" (In tone of voice best suited for addressing three year olds.)
Carey: "I don't think they understand the kitten and cotton thang."
Lee: "I don't think we do."
Carey: "No, we dont. (Carey both gropes and/or leans on Lee. Lee's hand remains on her back while he moves his mouth silently, as if she is his drunken Ventriloquist dummy.)
Carey: "Okay. I love you...I have to say, this is...(pause. looks up into the lights. Perhaps her next thought is on a cue card up there? No? Okay. Moving right along.)
....and please forgive me because I'm a little bit,.....(man shouts something from audience resembling the phrase "fucked up?")
She laughs and points to him, "Yeah!"
Audience giggles. She cackles. She guffaws.
Carey: "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, MA GOODNESSSSSS!" (Still gazing upwards looking for that miracle cue card.)
Carey: "I jist honestly. I read this book "Push," which is now "Precious." And out in the stores. When IIIIIIIIye, ah, a long time ago, because my friend Rhonda said, "If you don't read this book, you ain't leavin', and I was like 'whaaaaaa?' and I read the book, and I criiiiied my eyes out and I read the book again and I criiiiied my eyes out, and Saphire, the author, when I first met her I was like "I can't believe it's Saphire! I can't believe is Saph- Right? Was I? (to Lee)...I mean,"
Lee: (wipes sweat off his brow) "You embarrassed me." (?!)
Carey: "I embarrassed him. And, you know, he can handle it, but the thing is is that, (drunken laughter)the thing is is that, uhm, honestly, this material was so amazing to me that when Lee called me. Two days. Before (drunken laughter)...was it not two days?"
(Vantriloquist hand has since been removed from back)
Lee: (laughing) "Thank you Helen Mirren." (meaning??)
Carey: "Ha, ha, ha, cackle, cackle...I met Helen Mirren tonight. I was so excited. I couldn't believe it. The genius Helen Mirren."
Lee: "From the queen to a diva!" (Oops. Meaning?)
Carey: "Ha, ha, ha, ha....Yes, that's right! (clapping) You need to be clapping. Uh, sorry, sometimes I get you know a little, uh, difficult, but...uhm. ha, ha, ha, but honestly, when Lee told me, okay, you need to do this, this movie (Carey now leaning on podium with both arms for support)... and it's gonna be ah three days from now and I need you to listen to me, I need you to, uh (to Lee) to, uh, whaddya call it?... (She's looking for which word? --"Act?")
Lee: "Take your make up off."
Carey: "No! I don't think that's what, you can take my make up off, boyfrie- 'N I don't look like that bitch from the thing...(Thumbs gesture behind them on stage)
Lee: "Oh, God."
Carey cackles and returns to a two arm support on podium.
Lee turns to "mock" storm off stage. He had good instincts.
Carey: "No, he said I am going to reinvent you the way you look the way you you know you speak and everything and it's going to be our thing and it was our thing. (She starts to stroke his face and sway. He gazes at her longingly or drunkenly, or both)....And it was, you know, pink eyes here (touches his eyes)...
Lee: "Moustache, here? Lil' moustache"
Carey: "Meeshky(?)....And I just said, 'You know what? I am so thankful. So thankful....for Lee Daniels. And I really have to thank The Palm Springs, please, please, The Palm Springs Film Festival, and Lions Gate. Really have to thank Lions Gate, because I know they they they they cared and they put everything into this film.
Lee: "And the Magnesses my producers who put money into Mariah Carey acting."
Carey: "Exactly. Ha, ha, ha...so, I'm very grateful, I thank you all for listening to my little Shpiel and uhm God bless you. Okay, yeah. Take care."
______________________________________________________
Or, you could just watch it all for yourself, below.
So, we start with Miss Carey being presented with her award alongside her “Precious” director, Lee Daniels.
____________________________________________
Carey: "Oh my Goooooooooness!
Lee: "For you, Mar-Eye-Ya Kitten!" (In tone of voice best suited for addressing three year olds.)
Carey: "I don't think they understand the kitten and cotton thang."
Lee: "I don't think we do."
Carey: "No, we dont. (Carey both gropes and/or leans on Lee. Lee's hand remains on her back while he moves his mouth silently, as if she is his drunken Ventriloquist dummy.)
Carey: "Okay. I love you...I have to say, this is...(pause. looks up into the lights. Perhaps her next thought is on a cue card up there? No? Okay. Moving right along.)
....and please forgive me because I'm a little bit,.....(man shouts something from audience resembling the phrase "fucked up?")
She laughs and points to him, "Yeah!"
Audience giggles. She cackles. She guffaws.
Carey: "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, MA GOODNESSSSSS!" (Still gazing upwards looking for that miracle cue card.)
Carey: "I jist honestly. I read this book "Push," which is now "Precious." And out in the stores. When IIIIIIIIye, ah, a long time ago, because my friend Rhonda said, "If you don't read this book, you ain't leavin', and I was like 'whaaaaaa?' and I read the book, and I criiiiied my eyes out and I read the book again and I criiiiied my eyes out, and Saphire, the author, when I first met her I was like "I can't believe it's Saphire! I can't believe is Saph- Right? Was I? (to Lee)...I mean,"
Lee: (wipes sweat off his brow) "You embarrassed me." (?!)
Carey: "I embarrassed him. And, you know, he can handle it, but the thing is is that, (drunken laughter)the thing is is that, uhm, honestly, this material was so amazing to me that when Lee called me. Two days. Before (drunken laughter)...was it not two days?"
(Vantriloquist hand has since been removed from back)
Lee: (laughing) "Thank you Helen Mirren." (meaning??)
Carey: "Ha, ha, ha, cackle, cackle...I met Helen Mirren tonight. I was so excited. I couldn't believe it. The genius Helen Mirren."
Lee: "From the queen to a diva!" (Oops. Meaning?)
Carey: "Ha, ha, ha, ha....Yes, that's right! (clapping) You need to be clapping. Uh, sorry, sometimes I get you know a little, uh, difficult, but...uhm. ha, ha, ha, but honestly, when Lee told me, okay, you need to do this, this movie (Carey now leaning on podium with both arms for support)... and it's gonna be ah three days from now and I need you to listen to me, I need you to, uh (to Lee) to, uh, whaddya call it?... (She's looking for which word? --"Act?")
Lee: "Take your make up off."
Carey: "No! I don't think that's what, you can take my make up off, boyfrie- 'N I don't look like that bitch from the thing...(Thumbs gesture behind them on stage)
Lee: "Oh, God."
Carey cackles and returns to a two arm support on podium.
Lee turns to "mock" storm off stage. He had good instincts.
Carey: "No, he said I am going to reinvent you the way you look the way you you know you speak and everything and it's going to be our thing and it was our thing. (She starts to stroke his face and sway. He gazes at her longingly or drunkenly, or both)....And it was, you know, pink eyes here (touches his eyes)...
Lee: "Moustache, here? Lil' moustache"
Carey: "Meeshky(?)....And I just said, 'You know what? I am so thankful. So thankful....for Lee Daniels. And I really have to thank The Palm Springs, please, please, The Palm Springs Film Festival, and Lions Gate. Really have to thank Lions Gate, because I know they they they they cared and they put everything into this film.
Lee: "And the Magnesses my producers who put money into Mariah Carey acting."
Carey: "Exactly. Ha, ha, ha...so, I'm very grateful, I thank you all for listening to my little Shpiel and uhm God bless you. Okay, yeah. Take care."
______________________________________________________
Or, you could just watch it all for yourself, below.
Thanks to Matt Wolf for posting the video, and thanks to my daughter for letting me find the time to actually write this all out while she recovers from the stomach flu. And thank you for the Disney Channel for your fine programming so that I can blog next to her without interruption.
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