I Can't Believe I'm Still Watching "I Can't Believe I'm Still Single" Season 3

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M STILL SINGLE, SEASON THREE --

SHOW NUMBER ONE:




Meet Eric Schaeffer:


He has a "Semi auto-biographical" show about him not finding true love or anything resembling it for many a season on Showtime.  God only knows why.


Here's an older promo for his former seasons.  I can't find one new to put here.  Guess there's no money for promotion at the network this year.

Meet some of his loyal entourage (Who happen to really be the main reasons I now watch this.)

Meet Mark Ebner 

Meet Mark Ebner, a feisty die-hard investigative journalist, and self-described "New York Times Best Selling Author," who also was Schaeffer's college pal way back when.  Schaeffer wisely added Mark to the show last season, presumably, to have a "straight man" to play off.  


What Schaeffer may not have expected was that the onscreen presence of Ebner, who is so intuitively comfortable tooting his own horn, only seems to heighten how uncomfortable, even narcissistic, Schaeffer himself comes across.  Actually, maybe this is deliberate, I don't know.



(If you really want to know more about Mark Ebner here are a couple of quick links.  Fishbowl  LA, and his own website, Hollywood Interrupted.)


Now meet Em Sinick:  Eric Schaeffer's producer for all seasons of "I Can't Believe I'm Still Single."

(Em looking happy.  Must've found out she's working on another primetime cable show)


Em Sinick is now, and has always been, Eric Schaeffer's much-wiser self both on screen and off, apparently.


Here she is below with another of Schaeffer's entourage, Stas Tagios, the series cinematographer.

Em Sinick (Producer, Field Producer) I Can't Believe I'm Still Single

and Stas Tagios (Series Cinematographer)

Em Sinick is amazing.  


If I were producing something -- I'd hire her run things in a New York minute:  She's hard-working, patient, savvy and even-keeled.  She's the one in the background who runs it all.  


So, meet Em; the smart, plucky, long-suffering partner in Eric's crimes against himself and pretty much all women.  But, she's way too strong and funny and much wiser than Schaeffer seems to realize.  And she's a pretty great blogger, too.


The World According to Em.


Now meet Stas Tagios, the series cinematographer.

Stas has been a pretty wonderful documentary-style cinematographer, who, stays beige and aware while capturing wonderful, unexpectedly funny and touching moments many other filmmakers would never have thought to capture.  Has a keen eye for when to keep the camera rolling.  Also, quite interestingly, we learn in Season Three, Stas managed to steal and marry one of Eric Schaeffer's dating rejects, Wendy Ho -- Huh??

Okay, this happens to be the first show and I wanted to like it.  Really, I did.


Well, I wanted to hate and love it.  


But I have to say, it just felt too scripted, which I really never noticed so much, until this show.


I think the funny part was discovering who the best actors were: Em and Ebner, with Em taking the artistic lead for deadpan delivery, and Ebner for his quick comebacks. But the moment they "out" Eric from his the sweat closet at his colonic lab in Palm Desert we see where the show is headed.  


That faux-dopey look on Eric's face it just blew it and I suddenly saw how faux-"improv" this really was.  Quite a disappointment given that Ebner and Sinick were doing so well with their plot so far, coming off far more real than Mr. Actor/Writer/Director/Producer.


But once Schaeffer graced the screen it was such an obvious set-up this first show was.  It really all fell apart with his rambling on about how fat and depressed he was, as his motley crew tries tries to entice him into coming back into the light, Carole Ann, and do us all a Season Three, after all!


Come on.  


Then Eric hems and haws...and poses on his colonics bed and fishes for compliments, and on and on until it really ruined what could have been a funny beginning.  After all, Em and Mark had the right energy going, I totally bought that this was going to be another "Sherman's March..." moment.


Then, Eric opened his mouth and....not so "Sherman's March" Blech!


But, best lines so far, scripted or not:


Ebner:  "Oh, wait so your colonicist is going to start judging you now?"


Schaeffer:  "...really...really so like we're just making movie shit -- are you sleeping?"

Ebner (waking up): "I'm a boom operator."

Other slightly memorable moments:


Phone rings:
Eric: "Who's calling me?"
Ebner: "Where's 714?..."


(My husband looks at me.  I look at my husband. "Don't look at me!" I say.)


Eric: "714 is like in the valley or something?"  


(For any mystified blog readers: 714 is an area code for coastal, north Orange County, CA just below Long Beach, Ca.  In other words, the first three numbers to my own phone.)


Eric: "It's not frat boy shit anymore it's an adult season."
Ebner: "You mean, adult entertainment."


Eric: "Literally, if you say one more stupid thing I'm going to send you back,
right away, right, 'cause it's not funny anymore..."


(No, Eric, it's not.)

Intro of Donny Ward:  (See photo above.)


Meet Donal Lardner Ward:

Donny's apparently from My  Life's In Turn Around, which included scenes shot with a John Deere cap with hair sewn into it.


(Oh, and, Donny?  Guess what, Dude?  You are on a reality TV show, sucka! )

Now he apparently has an HBO show recently called How To Make It In America and has worked in the past with Schaeffer on projects. Now he's in Season 3.

At first in this show he seemed genuinely surprised, and aloof, but I'm not quite buying it wasn't a set up.  The show gets really kind of dead in those scenes.  I'd have cut them.  I wanted to nod off holding the boom.

As for swimming, Donny?  Okay, let's see your man boobs, pal.  Bring them on, after Ebner smokes you in the pool!

Ebner:  "I beat you (Eric) in swimming."
Schaeffer:  (Warning Donny) "He shellacked me."


"Ass sweat?"
(I don't get ass sweat.  No, I mean, I really don't get ass sweat.)


And then there was the gratuitous show of dominatrix crop markings.  And his silly man boobs.  And just -- come on, Eric!  Don't you even see what worked and what didn't in past seasons??!

Schaeffer needs to really be open to what's worked in past seasons and stick to that.  It starting to get too contrived and gimmicky.

Em, though, you still rock the show with your deadpan style.  Your neutrality.  Your distance.
And you and your down-to-earth, witty sidekick, Ebner, really do add a great deal much needed dimension to the show.


Oddest scene in Season 3, Show No. 1:


MELA limps into apartment?????


MELA?!   She was one of the most graceful, lovely past women he ever pretended to have first date with!!! Do NOT make fun of the Mela!


No!  No, no, no.  Mela!!!  What are you doing?  Please just don't be there.  Why are you there?   And then you let him fondle your breasts. Over and over. AND YOU LET ERIC PUT A BAG OVER YOUR HEAD?!?!?!


YOU LET HIM HUMILIATE YOU LIKE THAT?  A physically challenged actress and you let him make fun of you like that?  Oh, Mela!  I just don't get it.  I really don't.  It's not funny to see you put yourself into that situation. I have only too much respect for you to laugh at this.  And the gross things he said to you about the bag/mask.  Not you!  Not funny on you.


You seem so sweet and beautiful and there's just no way around the obvious degrading act of that.


Oh, God!  --- I just want to kick Schaeffer's ass so much for this!


(And them's fightin' words, trust me.)