"I Can't Believe I'm Still Single": Political Commentary Becomes Ratings Bonanza!
"Girls Just Need to Relax
-- or --
World Leaders and Strap-ons"
(Click here to read last week's episode recap of Episode 2, Season 3)
Super ugly, bloated, dopey close up of Eric drooling over a "yuppie" blond lawyer.
Teeth crooked and dingy grey. (I have a flashback to my high school days when I was in school with him after seeing this clip. My God, he's invested in a lot of plastic surgery since then.)
I marvel that this man stays employed.
Shall I continue?
We sit through those annoying opening credits with that obnoxious music.
Next, close up. Eric just as he is today. Liposuctioned, plastic surgery, [Note: My sources tell me there has been zero plastic surgery or lipo. So, to quote Vampire Weekend "I Stand Corrected."] ... Older. Still talking. Still eating gross food. Still 100 percent just "Me, me, me..."
Eric continues to try to poach chicks names off of Donny's Facebook page while Donny (Donal Ward) patiently explains to Eric why Eric may have a problem finding true love at this time, especially from a woman Donny could suggest for him.
Donny suggests Eric may have something of an addictive issue about dating...Eric discounts this.
While in Donny's apartment they spend a great deal of time verbally rambling about how dating is so challenging for Eric. Meanwhile, Ebner wanders about, generally upstaging Eric by picking up and reading take-out menus in the background. In the foreground a bloated Schaeffer continues to blather on, waving a banana in the air while whining about women. What's not to love?
Then we flash over to Eric's apartment. Eric is tossing about a football while waiting for the woman who is going to give him "a massage" to arrive at his door.
Mark Ebner and Em Sinick are sitting on his sofa "waiting" with Eric. The dialogue/set up becomes decidedly scripted. It has suddenly become a set-up.
Mark questions Eric about his "massage." Mark injects a some lively vocal energy into the scene just trying to get Eric to call this what it really is, a date with a call girl, but Eric keeps calling it "therapeutic massage." Mark is focused and serious while Eric minces about regurgitating pearls of wisdom about the sex industry.
Em becomes beige.
Eric's masseuse arrives. They go "inside."
Then we are privileged to watch a really long and boring interview with his "masseuse" about sex and life. Only thing is, sex and life are interesting, but she and Eric are not.
Note: Jenna (the call girl, I mean massage therapist) sits for a long, long time in a very uncomfortable position on the bed with her shirt off and a strap-on pointed right at Eric.
She seems frozen in one position and keeps laughing nervously while the camera rolls. Her strap-on jiggles ridiculously every time she uses verbal emphasis.
I don't know what it was about this that began to bother me so much, but I found watching her position on the bed excruciating to sit through because I felt she was so intensely uncomfortable in the scene.
I just felt like she desperately needed to sit up straighter, or move differently. Her legs looked cramped under her that she just seemed very tense and uncomfortable.
During her dialogue when she laughed she pulled out of frame, as well, also adding to this feeling of discomfort with the entire situation.
This lengthy, shallow scene takes on the serious tone of a "Front Line" episode, while the dialogue never becomes any more profound than a local city council meeting on cable access gone very, very awry.
The show cuts in and out of an interview with Ebner about Eric's very uninteresting thoughts on whether or not he could find love with a call girl. Ebner remains focused and serious while Schaeffer squirms, lip-licks, blinks and continues to share his many thoughts on this extremely un-fascinating subject with all the relentless charm of a leaky toilet.
He winds up this lovely banter and scene by shaking her hand while telling her, "You are precious. You're a servant to all good things in the world.
And if more world leaders would just accept that they want to get f'd in the ass, then we would all just get along better."
Quick! Text this to Madeleine Albright!
-- Roll credits, folks!
Thus endeth the third episode of Season Three of "I Can't Believe I'm Still Single."
For more further info about this blogger's feelings re: following Eric Schaeffer's work so closely, feel free to read my comments below:
Comments
Score one for you!
However, yes, I did just take your comment down just now.
Hey, I do have kids, and I don't need certain things there, thank you very much.
But I must say, I have seriously pondered a few of your suggestions.
First of all, I'm going to say ix-nay on the more crass one, but I do admit you do have a valid point about my blog starting to look like the "Eric Schaeffer Blog." It isn't.
Truly, that bothers me, as well.
Frankly, don't really mind the guy, but I can't stand his television show, so how stupid is it to write about something I find appalling?
At times, his work has been genuinely entertaining to deconstruct, however, I don't need to follow each and every episode. I don't have the time to commit to unpaid "viral advertising."
So, thankfully, your comment reminded me of this.
So, "Namaste" to you for that!
Yours truly,
Louise on the left.
(-- Blogger of far more on this planet than just some dude who makes astonishingly bad TV.)
But anyway, please don't let my comments stop you from expressing your opinions on Eric. Believe me, I have my own little sick love/hate/wanna punch/or possibly hug type of obsession with the guy. So I'm definitely not one to judge.
P.S. I have to say that I rather enjoyed the particular part you wrote saying, "She seems frozen in one position and keeps laughing nervously while the camera rolls. Her strap-on jiggles ridiculously every time she uses verbal emphasis." Thank you for that.
"Hey, Louise. Here's $20. Don't forget to mention how boring this week's show is."
A few random observations:
What were the film clips supposed to illustrate anyway? I thought maybe they were going to be casting the same actress in the film or something, but no. . .
This week we got the second installment in our march through "making of" documentary cliches. This time it was the rehearsal/rewriting session.
This season's budget seems to be much reduced. Last season they were able to afford "hoors" for both Eric and Mark. Then again, "hoors" outside of NYC are much more reasonably priced.
To me, the weirdest part of the interview was when Eric went into his smarmy voice to tell the "hoor" how close he felt to her, and then tried to get into bed with her to cuddle. She looked seriously disgusted with him.
What is Em's job on this season's show? There are no locations to set up this time. When she was sitting on the couch she looked like she was doing homework. Was she actually expected to sit there on the couch while Eric got it on with the "hoor" in the next room? Hopefully union regulations require extra payment for that kind of service.
If you routinely assert that you haven't had a girlfriend in ten years, you shouldn't be completely surprised if your best friend hesitates before introducing you to his female acquaintances who are looking for relationships.
The first two seasons were more interesting because Eric was on the road. Now that he's just sitting around his apartment, it's much more boring. Especially since he seems bored with the whole premise of the show.
Namaste y'all!
I have to agree with you, this season of the show isn't as interesting as the other two seasons, but I can sheld some light on your questions.
1) Sorry, but I have no idea why Eric keeps throwing in the old movie clips other than the fact that he wants the viewers to remember "My Life's in Turnaround" so you'll go see the sequel. Plus I think he's trying to show the audience that he's been able to get "hot" girls in the past, so why not now.
2) What's Em doing? Not homework, well kind of homework. She's taking notes on what is being shot and figuring out releases of the characters on the show. Her other role is to shoot second camera and babysit Ebner, making sure he doesn't do anything stupid.
3) Budget wasn't reduced, it just went to other amenities...other than shooting.
Hope this helped.
And as it turns out, Em's role in shooting second camera is one of the key elements of the special Thanksgiving episode of ICBISS.
It's a pity that she isn't more of an on-screen character in this season, since she's by far the most "relatable" of all these people.
I saw a mention on her blog that she worked on a pilot with Ebner--so perhaps all the babysitting is paying off, at least in some small way.