I Can't Believe I'm Not "Sherman's March."

I keep thinking that Eric Schaeffer's show, "I Can't Believe I'm Still Single" reminds me of something, but until now, couldn't figure out what it was. I knew it wasn't Woody Allen...What was it?





Finally, I finally put my finger on it: It's a knock-off of "Sherman's March," which does happen to be a terrific cult documentary from 1986.

Sherman's March was a genuinely unique and terrific film. If you haven't seen it, do. It's wonderful.

But Schaeffer is no Ross McElwee. McElwee is has depth and substance with a deep respect for women, despite his search (on film) for the right one.



Now, I get it: Schaeffer's doing his own "Sherman's March" thing on Showtime.

On last week's episode we saw his second "potential" girl friend on "I can't Believe I'm Still Single."

This time his femme du jour was a sweet natured, comic and dog-walker named "Lauren."

Let me just say, I was utterly prepared to think disparaging things about any woman who'd agree to be filmed dating Eric Schaeffer, but, I have to admit, I really liked her.

She was adorable. Too adorable for him.

I really liked Lauren and I think she was so sweet and funny and genuinely, that I really wanted her to understand that she is so much better than Eric. He doesn't deserve someone as open and real as she is.

She was so cute and vulnerable and I wanted to smack him when he put his nasty hands on her.

It's sickening to hear him babble about himself all the time to these women from the minute they are alone.

He catches himself in a reflection and it's:

Eric: "I'm not bloated, am I?"

Lauren: "Uhm. I don't think so."

Eric: "Wait! Enough about you, already, am I getting fat?"

The only thing wrong about Lauren is that she may have some rosy colored glasses on about Mr. Schaeffer.

Because, it will be all about him, him, him. All the time.

What sane woman would want that?

Oh, Lauren, if you read this: Your clips from your improv show were REALLY good! You have talent and do not need this for anything, but a springboard to something much better for you. Please have faith in yourself and move on.

You are very attractive, and funny and real and...just get yourself a really good agent from this show and DO NOT EAT THE NEMO BAR.

THROW IT OUT THE F*ING WINDOW RIGHT NOW.

Do not kiss him. Do not eat the junk food. Think about it? He gave you a bar of processed scat to eat.

That isn't cute, it's gross.

Get an agent. Get a great boyfriend who'll stop interrupting you all the time to tell you how great he is.

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UPDATE: Yo, yo, yo, Dawgs --- Yesterday, when I posted this I left out mentioning Mark Ebner.

I forgot to mention here that, unlike in my previous posts about "I Can't Believe I'm Still Single" for this second season Schaeffer has added as second sounding board to his schtick.

This time around, along with his endlessly patient, female, yet not terribly reactive producer, "Em," (Emily Sinick), he's added, yet another male sidekick, or verbal sparing partner to his next collection of shows. Not a bad idea, since I think giving Eric someone to challenge his beliefs and odd-ball theories is key to his humor.

What I've just come to learn is that this guy, Mark Ebner, is, among other things, a former Rolling Stone reporter and occasional contributor to Gawker. Since I'm a fan of Gawker & Jezebel, happen to think this is kind-of cool.

Ebner's not a bad writer, either. I'm already almost through one of his previous stories Death Of A Nethead. It's pretty interesting. Check it out.