It takes a superhero to change lives: We call her Mom: -- Zooey, Issue #20, May 2014
But, if anyone considers what I've done in the superhero status because of the food allergy activism I've done, or the work I've gone to from having a child with a peanut allergy, has no idea how easy I've had things compared to so many other parents of much more allergic kids. I've had it easy.
The feature is about my journey raising a child with a severe peanut allergy. And it's just a taste of what my book is about. I have been working on a book about everything I've learned in my seven years of founding and administrating a very active, fast-growing support group of nearly 6,000 thousand people called Parents Of Kids With A Severe Peanut Allergy. A group of parents who find themselves in the very same boat of being new parents at the same time they also find themselves unexpectedly saddled with the additional burden that their beloved child can die from something needed to survive: Food. That their children can be literally snatched away from them and ruthlessly killed by just the minutest contact with a favorite food found literally every where. And just what is this ruthless killer that lurks everywhere? It is -- drum roll -- peanuts.
Yep. We are "Generation: Peanuts = Death."
Wow. Did not expect that one.
As for reading this particular story here: Well, don't strain your eyes trying to read the print. It's from a pdf file and the reality is if you care to read it in depth, you can buy your own copy of Zooey, here.
Zooey happens to be a pretty cool publication filled with cute vintage-inspired fashion, great decor tips, features on the very coolest people (Wait, that gorgeous young fashionista is the little girl who played Donald Draper's daughter? The cover of this issue is Breaking Bad Jesse's dead-hipster-girlfriend? No way!) and includes some very inspiring stories about women who have taken action to make a difference! We LOVE us our Zooey in our house! http://zooeymagazine.com/ -- Order your copy asap.
PS: I'll let you in on a little secret. It was my peanut allergic child, the one who inspired me to not only write this piece, but also to start the internet support group of almost 6,000 members called PARENTS OF KIDS WITH A SEVERE PEANUT ALLERGY, who introduced me to the very talented and gifted editor in chief of Zooey Magazine, Lucia Tran when she shot an editorial by for Zooey magazine in May, 2012. You can see my then-14 year. old here.
I don't always say this in my support-group, because not everyone wants to hear about other people's kids, when they are temporarily stuck and frozen with fear and anger and just getting started with grappling with the many stages of grief all parents go through after a diagnosis of a fatal food allergy. I never know what stage of their process when they first arrive in my group, but the reality is peanut allergies do not have to put an end to living a rich, full life. That life which you first imagined for your child prior to their diagnosis of having this life-threatening food allergy is not over with! However, there is a very long process to go through before one can get there. People can't rush the process. There is a certain new set of skills to master and engage in before this kind of acceptance and freedom can occur.
We parents have a journey we are literally forced to go on alongside our allergic children before our child can be truly safe and sound. It will take years of our intervention and training before it's actually appropriate for all food allergic kids to fly the nest and reach for all those dreams, again. However, it can be done once you and your child become truly educated, completely re-trained about how to proceed with a new set of behavioral tools, a new mindset, a new bottom line which can never be crossed, once you get to this place of acceptance and mastery of how to avoid the food allergens, then it's fine to pursue any dream as long as they never forget they have this condition and accept the tremendous burden and dedication of skills that goes along with how to survive it. But, it can be done. It just -- takes time.
It's important for parents to hear this. Living a normal life can be done. Before you know it, one day your child is securely living a peanut-free life. It will become their "new normal." And their life-threatening food allergy will no longer be something to cry or get angry about, it will just be life as you know it. That's the place to get to. That place. That's the new normal we need to strive for. It's about acceptance and engaging in a new lifestyle of constant awareness that is for the rest of their life nothing can be eaten without the specific ritual of scrutiny on a food allergic child will understand. And that's okay. It's life as they know it.
The reality is, even though I have a severely allergic kid, but she is NOT a prisoner of that allergy. Sure, the allergy is terrifying. Yes, it is entirely unfair. But, not everything in life is fair. Life threatening allergies are awful, but they do not mean a person needs to be a prisoner of their fears, nor does fear keep have a place robbing children of their passions and dreams.
My peanut allergic kid overcame enormous fear to become independent, active, brave, active participant in her own dreams. She went through many periods of depression and isolation and tremendous anxiety after several brushes with her own fragile mortality. But, she is NOT diminished by her invisible disability, she is inspired to rise above her fears and still be the master of her own fate. I won't enable a "can't do" way of thinking. I feel life is all too short and we have to take advantage of every minute we have on this planet to grasp life and find our joy.
My peanut allergic kid is smart. She has a plan. She is strong and she is a survivor. And she is not alone. She is every child with a life threatening food allergy if they just stay focused, stay educated and not give up on their dreams for a brighter tomorrow.
And this article and the book to follow is just a taste of my story about how I raised her.
(If you can't read the images, 'cause it's too small? Oh well! Just order your magazine at the links above! :)
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